To decide is to be open and trusting
Don’t worry about if this is the right decision for the rest of your life. Today's desires are your soul leaving breadcrumbs to keep you moving on your path.
It’s super frustrating to not know what I want.
Having an inkling of what I want may be a good place to start, but to me, it's basically the same as not knowing what I want.
When I didn’t make peace with not knowing what I want, everything was hard because I was living in this knot of frustration.
When I did make peace with it, that was me “letting go and letting flow,” which I got really good at.
Except, there was rumbling in my underbelly that indicated that I wasn’t really at peace with it, and that I shouldn’t be, which splintered me. It didn’t allow me to be authentic and free. Which meant that it’s wasn’t always fun to get up in the morning.
Willing myself to feel a certain way vs. Doing to become a certain way… One decision is open and trusting, the other is not. Can you guess which?
Willing myself to feel at peace doesn’t work. The only thing it helps me feel is free to press snooze in the morning and to press snooze on myself.
It’s important to note that feelings aren’t goals, they're prompters. Feelings expose your desires and values, and aside from bringing spice to life, they exist to prompt you into action. Even feeling good prompts you do continue doing what you’re doing to keep feeling good. What happens in between feelings and actions is deciding, whether it takes weeks to decide or a millisecond.
I don’t worry about if a decision is the right one for the rest of my life. I simply make a decision from what is true for me today, because I’ve learned to trust that my deepest desires are my soul leaving breadcrumbs to keep me moving forward on my path. For that matter, I’ve learned not to second-guess my deepest desires.
I’ve learned that deciding is the same as being open and trusting. There’s no “we’ll see” in deciding; it’s clean and clear. It’s trusting the unknown that comes with the decision. It’s trusting in myself; in acting on the decisions that I make, and on my ability to adapt. It’s also deciding that I’m not running on autopilot and instead experiencing a dynamic, adventurous life. Which is the same thing as having.
Because I have what I want, I willfully do more of what I need to do to continue feeding my soul’s desire(s). My body is in the present moment of desiring what I have, and this, I realize, is what it means to have gratitude for what I have.
And I’m allowed to change my mind. I can alter, pivot, and rearrange anything as I experience my life. New information gives me new insight: what I’m still triggered by, what I’m willing to do, what I’m not willing to do, where my boundaries are up, where they’re down, what makes me happy, what doesn’t. My gut, my intuition, my emotions, all of my inner navigation systems prompt me on what to decide next. All this to say, I don't second-guess, I assess.
It’s an amazing playground, this life, to get to make decisions all the time. This is freedom, agency, and wellness. And I get to feel as free as I can make decisions in my life. They keep me alert and agile, the doors open, and my soul happy.
Love, Savitree