Stop for a moment and check in with yourself. Get out of your head and into your body. Stop with the optics and your own judgment and go in deep to your center. What’s emanating from there?
Are you at peace?
It’s a big word when you really think about it. It’s so much rolled up in one. It’s nuanced yet so simple. I’d like to say that it’s void of emotions that are typically viewed as negative, like sadness, but I’m not sure that that’s true. I think peace is an acceptance of what is with a deep trust that this moment, no matter what is happening, is a blessing. We get to feel our emotions - the delight of being human - and surrender into what is. By surrender, I don’t mean give up. I mean, accept. I don’t mean condone. I mean not to create a story from it. What is truly happening, and the truest emotion that arises from it, is enough to work through. When we stick to just this part, it’s a “simple” process. We grieve a loss, we look at our anger to find the most compassionate response, and we ask for what we need. To label the situation (i.e. this sucks) and judge others or yourself (i.e. you’re an idiot) is getting lost in drama. It’s disturbing the peace.
Case in point, the neighbors in the story of The Farmer’s Luck by Jon Muth:
There was once an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day, his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit.
“Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.
“Maybe,” the farmer replied.
The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it two other wild horses.
“Such good luck!” the neighbors exclaimed.
“Maybe,” replied the farmer.
The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown off, and broke his leg. Again, the neighbors came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.
“Such bad luck,” they said.
“Maybe,” answered the farmer.
The day after that, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army to fight in a war. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by.
“Such good luck!” cried the neighbors.
“Maybe,” said the farmer.
The farmer’s “maybe” doesn’t indicate that he’s apathetic. He understands that the Universe is always conspiring in his favor. And so it is with you.
I have some questions for you:
What’s driving you at this very moment?
Does what’s driving you feel good?
To experience peace, and depending on your MO…
You probably either need to chill out and do less, or
You need to step it up and do more.
What you need to do is probably the opposite of what first comes to your mind, or what you resist the most.
Timing
There are times, like December, that cause us to say,
I’ll work on this after the holidays, after this project is over, after the year-end, after I get through this thing I’m going through.
Sounds like an addict.
Not now. I need my usual way of being that is making me crazy to get through this crazy. Once I get through this crazy, I’ll do something about it.
What makes right now, when it’s hectic, the best time to shift is that you have a lot to work with, in real time. It’s not academic. Which means using this time to make different decisions will bring you different results. Fast.
When you wait until there’s time (haha. but sometimes this actually happens), then you haven’t learned how to use your tools when shit happens, so when shit happens, you drop these tools.
Start now, and start simple. Your practices depend on who you are.
Are you always productive and on the go? Can’t imagine being any other way, yet you’re not at peace?
You may or may not know this yet but you are on your way towards self destruction… of your nervous system, metabolism, and deeper intimacy. You can achieve all the applause, congratulations, and money in the bank, but your identity is now locked into your hustle identity, and in case you don’t know this, that’s not you. Which is why you are not genuinely at peace.
Btw, you can have success and peace. In fact, success is a part of peace. And, while success can come after you’ve found peace, peace doesn’t come through success. To seek success without knowing peace will, over time, suck you dry. It will affect your sleep, your ability to focus, your quality of life.
Here are some simple practices to start with. These will make you feel uncomfortable at first because you’re used to running and reacting to life to stay one step ahead of everything but yourself. These exercises will give you the space to reconnect with the part of you that you’ve hidden from yourself. You need all of you to feel whole and at peace.
Turn off the screens and read something long, i.e not just the headlines and the bold headings. Read fiction even. Take your audios off 2x speed. This will slow you down to be able to feel into yourself.
When you disagree with someone, say nothing. Hold space for others to be where they are, which is not where you are. Making sure your point is heard thinking the other person might learn something from you does the opposite. You’ll know because they will respectfully say nothing. Or, they will play your opposite in a game of egos: no one is listening, everyone is reacting.
Do only one thing at a time instead of multi-tasking. Give this your best effort, it’s actually more productive and rewarding. Make a list of 3 to 4 things you care most about in your life and block times of day to put your full attention to those things, one at a time. Until you get good at this, don’t make exceptions.
Sip on some hot water instead of guzzling down an entire bottle of cold. This is a good exercise in learning to listen to your body instead of doing things to it.
Are you always doing self-care work, reminding yourself to slow down and breathe, yet you’re not at peace?
While your nervous system isn’t in overdrive, it’s overprotected. You are the type of person that knows that children need to eat a little bit of dirt to strengthen their immune systems rather than make everything completely antiseptic, yet you try to do this to your life. So you, on the other hand, need to get a little dirty, eat dirt, and discover the parts of you that isn’t afraid to jump in and take risks, to find your peace… and get your digestion back. You might even be able to start eating gluten again. I’m not kidding.
Your practices:
Do something uncomfortable. Confront what you aren’t confronting.
Stop saying that it’s not you and instead try “what’s not you” on for size. The reveal: it was always you.
Disagree verbally, not just in your head.
Don’t be stingy. Share more of yourself with others.
Special holiday season practices
No matter who you are, these are powerful, life changing habits to feed your peace:
Say NO to everything but what’s most important to you. They take much more time than you think. When you stop trying to fit everything in, you’ll be so happy. The bullshit busy-ness will fall off. Saying yes to everything is more transparent to others than you think; they really don’t want to be a part of you squeezing them in and looking at your watch. It doesn’t support intimacy and deep fulfillment. Continuing on with your busy-ness will attract others who aren’t ready to command time either and keep those that do want to go deeper with you at a distance.
Eat only when hungry. I know, holidays, right? Indulge! Not to be confused with engorge. Food is so sensual and such a nourishing gift. Don’t turn it away, and don’t abuse it.
Choose gifts wisely. Make them thoughtful and not too expensive. Cost is always relative. Take care of yourself.
Take time to meditate, and read a book. Yes, absolutely during this busy holiday season. It prompts you to create time. Yes, you create time. You’re powerful like that.
Practice accepting people as they are. Forgive the past and get into the present moment. You’ve evolved since yesterday. Allow the other person the benefit of that same evolution. With each mistake we evolve, so celebrate each mistake, instead of damning them, by giving them space to evolve. We are each in a different place and pace in our journey. You’ve heard this before: stay in your lane. Enjoy others in theirs. Even when they seem to be running into yours, it only seems that way. What’s really happening is you are being given an opportunity to evolve. Get over yourself trying to dictate others and being the judge and jury. That isn’t your life purpose, this I know. Take your power back: use your energy to make yourself whole and let others do the same.
December is a month with celebrations from many cultures. The common thread between all of them is that of inner light and hope. Enjoy EVERYTHING! Stop should-ing and over-protecting, and start choosing peace. It’s literally all perspective, and you have the power to perceive and to let others be with theirs. Yes, influence is always called for, by being the example and the inspiration.
May peace dwell in your heart, and on this planet.
With love, Savitree
P.S. - Anna (of Essential Soul Mama) and I will be doing a 75 minute Winter Solstice check in next Saturday, December 21, at 10 am central standard time. To join for free, register here.
Such a beautiful reminder...and everything I needed to read today. Thank you for letting this post be part of my slow down. I honestly feel more peaceful and in control after reading it. So grateful for all your wisdom!