What to look for when you’re exhausted

What slipping out of self-referral looks like.

Everything checks out. So where is it?

I know what it feels like to be exhausted.

Not tired from a wedding that goes until 11pm, a hospital emergency, the flu, or working through the loss of someone you love.

I mean exhausted. Stressed. Burned out. Nothing really happened other than normal life.

Over the last two decades, I’ve learned to peel off the layers of borrowed urgency.

Now, I start my day with non-negotiables.

Meditation, movement, deep work — all before lunch at 11:15.

My mornings are optimized. Which means I have a strong reference point. Which means any change in quality gives me real data.

So when I’m exhausted, I know where to look.

The symptoms

I’m fighting my mornings. My mind is agitated. My meditations aren’t as deep. My deep work, also not as deep.

The checklist

I’m practicing my four anchors. I’ve protected my non-negotiables. I’m staying hydrated. Everything I do in my day is a conscious yes for me.

I see my TCM monthly for acupuncture and cupping. He asks questions, looks at my tongue, confirms that I’m good. I get my annual bloodwork done. All this since 2020 when I had a cancer scare. I get my spine adjusted monthly to keep potential back and neck problems from inconveniencing my life.

Hardware: check. Healthcare: check. Anchors: check.

So where is it?

The variable

After cooking three meals a day for 24 years, Larry now does more of the cooking for us. He’s gifted me space to write before lunch. His cooking is amazing. I’m very lucky.

Except that I enjoy cooking, and that time has been replaced by writing, which I also enjoy. Equally.

Writing won so I can make this my work.

Here’s the real variable:

I’ve been writing with urgency in mind rather than writing to fully realize my potential. Intention: fast. Consequence: slow. Experience: exhaustion.

Here’s what that looks like:

My 3pm tells on me. I’m exhausted.
But the data isn’t even that slow — it comes right after lunch. By 1pm, instead of walking, I want to nap.

Not from lack of sleep, but from grind.
And I don’t have a to-do list. Nor is my calendar maxed out.

Performance is grind. Urgency (vs promptness) is grind. It’s the slow cut. It looks like efficiency but it’s not. It’s at the expense of your best work, and it grinds down your connective tissue and your connection to others.

The tell

When this happens, I start feeling like I need to get you to believe what I do. So that you’ll give it a try. So your life can become yours. Because I know it can. Because I know what I’m talking about. I just need you to understand it.

Do you see the grind in that paragraph?

This is external referral. It doesn’t always look like a to-do list. Sometimes it’s just the mind, grinding.

So then I think about quitting. Because exhaustion makes us think that way. Why not just enjoy the life I already have? Cook more. Travel more. Exercise more.

Why not? Because I’m called to do this. And I love getting to know people from all over the world. I love collaborating with others whose work matters. I love to write. And I change lives. Including my own.

The fix

I don’t need more sleep. I don’t need a better diet.

I get to do this work for me.

To stop listening to bestsellers that tell me to write with tension, get the hook right, align the funnel, and take my time — they did it “slowly” in three to six months, from zero to 10k.

These things matter. But not so I can get to you. So I can get to me.

Otherwise it’s exhausting.

This is self-referral. The energy that doesn’t burn out but sustains.

Truth?
When I think about taking you all with me, I feel like no one’s paying attention. Nothing’s enough.

When I make my own life amazing, and when I turn work into play, people want to know what I’m doing.

Analytics and funnels? Likes and comments? Sure. But not at the expense of my voice.

Make important things. For you first. Because this is where your gem, your deepest contribution, lives. This is the legacy.

I’ve identified my variable. Easier because my anchors are in place, and I have strong reference points.

I’m writing for myself. And my family (whether or not they read it while I’m alive). And from there, anyone else who cares to have a conversation with me.

If you want to do this together, join me in the Anchor Circle. I’d be honored to witness what you’re working on.

— Savitree