Food and identity. And energy. And clarity

Also, I'm coming out of the food closet.

How does this image of steak make you feel? Judgy? Hungry? Does it cause you to think of the dangers of heart health? Or a delicious protein option? What’s your story behind it? 

I was vegetarian for nearly a decade. Then pescatarian for over 5 years. Then plant-based for 2.5 years. Then I did a full 180 and went meat-eating keto. 

I’m not supposed to be the latter because I teach meditation. This doesn’t fit my identity to anyone including myself. The first time I went to the grocery store to buy ground beef, I stood in front of a wide variety of options for a good five minutes and then walked away empty-handed. I didn’t know how to put it in my cart; it felt wrong. 

I feel like I’m officially coming out of the closet right now, which I’m doing because people ask me about food. So I want to start with where I’ve been and where I currently stand. I’ll share my reasons for choosing each diet and the benefits I experienced from them. 

But first, it may be helpful for you to have some context about me as you consider your source of information…

• My primary purpose for ever choosing a diet, or making any lifestyle choice, is to find what makes me feel best, gives me sustained energy, and supports clarity of mind. 

• I’ve had digestive issues in my youth, and Ayurveda was what fixed it. So I always keep the tenets of Ayurveda in mind.  

• I don’t go on diets. To me, eating is a way of life, one that brings nourishment, energy, well-being, and pleasure. I agree with Plato who asserts that in order for it to be actual art, food mustn’t just look, smell, and taste good; it must support good health. 

• As a foodie who will drive long distances for a good meal, I refuse to make food choices that will deny me pleasure. When I considered plant-based eating, I told my vegan friend that as long as I can find a way to enjoy it, I’ll go full in. 

• This doesn’t mean there isn’t discipline involved. But discipline is different from denial. I practice discipline. I don’t deny myself. Ayurveda says if you can’t find pleasure in it, then there isn’t healing in it.

• The question I ask is, what am I denying myself? Sometimes it’s the momentary pleasure I get from enjoying warm Italian bread with simple olive oil before dinner, or creme brulee with a friend after dinner. I can also look at it as denying myself a bonding experience that will last a lifetime. Or that I’m denying myself the post-meal energy, clarity, good night’s sleep, or contribution towards a stronger immune system. It’s case by case, and I’m usually pretty clear which way to go each time.  

Vegetarian

• Why: I started meditating, and my teachers said meat and eggs don’t support the practice. While I refused to quit eggs, I did quit all meat to see what they’re talking about. 

• How I did vegetarian: whole foods, unprocessed, mostly foods made with my own hands, and reduced consumption of leftovers (not longer than one day). Minimal bread and cereals. I followed Ayurvedic principles all the way.

• Exceptions: if my dinner host didn’t know I was vegetarian, and they were excited for me to try their special meat dish, I was eating it. Since I wasn’t physically allergic to meat, my diet preference took a back seat to accepting and appreciating the love put into the meal prepared by the host. 

• Benefits: For the first time since I could remember, I woke up light, rested, and clear. I didn’t know this was going to happen, so this was a wonderful surprise. I stopped getting sick. I didn’t need naps. I wasn’t agitated or restless. It was easy to be still, physically and mentally. I could credit it to vegetarianism, but I think it was mostly that I ate fresh, unprocessed foods cooked in healthy oils three times a day. 

Pescatarian

• Why: This was about 5 years after my divorce when I started dating… as well as for business I was eating out more. I wanted more choices from the menu and to have a little bit more grounded and assertive energy. While vegetarian eating supports lightness and stillness, meat puts you on the ground, adds some weight to your being, and depending on how you consume it, can either deliver a more warrior-like energy or put you to sleep.  

• Exceptions: My family’s Christmas Day tradition is to have kalbi-jjim - braised Korean marinated beef short ribs with vegetables, to which I partake. 

• Benefits: I got to enjoy sushi and fish. And, it gave me more assertive energy. I know I could have gotten there a different way, but this was the way it happened for me at that time. It didn’t affect the quality of my meditation, and I suspect this was partly because, by this time, my practice was firmly established. 

Plant-based

• Why: I was experiencing inflammation around my joints. Some of my friends had become vegan, and the plant-based documentaries were compelling. I thought, if this helps me reduce my inflammation, and I’m enjoying what I’m eating, then I’m in. 

• Benefits: I did enjoy it! There are so many amazing and delicious plant-based options available now… and my inflammation seemed to get better (for a while anyway). It also felt nice to think that (a) I was contributing towards a more sustainable planet, (b) it implied that I respected animals more, and (c) I was contributing towards world peace.. These are some arguments, anyway. 

• Exception: honey, and Ayurvedic supplements that weren’t vegan.

• Additional info: While I like beans, it’s not my favorite brand of protein, so I don’t run to it. Without lassi (an Ayurvedic yogurt drink), butter, buttermilk, yogurt, whipped cream, and fish, I leaned more heavily into rice, pasta, and potatoes to feel satiated. I’d get hungry only a couple of hours after a meal, so I grazed throughout the day, and if I didn’t, I’d be thinking about my next meal. My waist started to expand, and my blood tests showed that I was at the edge of pre-diabetes.   

Keto: my current diet

• Why: I wanted to lose belly fat, reset my metabolism, and get far away from the pre-diabetes range, so I looked into healthy keto. I had to research and reassess what it meant to be healthy since, to me, meat = unhealthy and unsustainable. 

• How I do keto: with intermittent fasting and TONS of vegetables; a big mixing bowl full for salad, and an entire bunch or package of veggies when they’re cooked. I eat the vegetables first to get me most of the way full so I don’t over consume the protein. I include about 5 ounces of the cleanest piece of fatty protein I can find to my meals. The fatty part is key to staying satiated for long periods of time.  

• Benefit: I got my waist back, and I fit into all my clothes. I have energy, and I don’t feel the need to snack in between meals. This is the diet that gives me the least tendency to overeat: it’s the fatty protein vs rice/pasta/bread. I got my full blood work done a year after I started with keto, and it came out better than when I was plant-based, even my cholesterol levels. 

• Additional info: 

  • When I don’t practice intermittent fasting along with my keto diet, my digestion is more likely to get off track. That said, I’ve found other ways to maintain a strong digestion when I can’t stick to my schedule (i.e. when I travel). 

  • I’m a little more fidgety in meditation, but I was also fidgety on the plant-based diet. I think it’s the eating out and the more processed parts of these diets that causes that. I’m continually adjusting and retraining myself with this. 

  • The fact that so much of my keto diet is vegetables (and olive oil and butter) with the 14-16 hours of intermittent fasting to support my digestion is what makes this diet so beneficial to me.  

There’s a lot I left out. But here’s the most important thing: it matters what feels good to you. Your body and mind will be your best indicator. And, you need to be able to enjoy your meals. If it feels forced, you won’t benefit from the nourishment locked in the foods you eat. Your body will either integrate or reject what you consume based on your emotions around them. So first love yourself so you have more energy and mental real estate to love everything else around you. Pay attention to what works for you, not what the world says should work for you. Your body, mental state, and energy levels will tell you everything you need to know.  

With love, grit, and gratitude, 

Savitree